Morning! Welcome to The Quest for 7, where volunteer writer, Steven Viner, scours the net for seven Patriots related articles from other sites offering different points of view on the six-time champs. Paid subscribers not only get to read all seven, but they also get to check out his always fiery "Steve's Soapbox" at the end.
1. The Big Cheese of Boston Sports Journal, Greg Bedard, channeled his Jerry Maguire and yelled, "Show me the moneyyyyyyy!" while touching on The 5 Patriots players with the most on the line in the postseason. It's a list of soon to be free agents that'll make you gulp, and send you frantically searching for Patriots Salary Cap Specialist Miguel Benzan to see how much money they have to spend next year. Bedard's list will certainly make you appreciate these upcoming playoff games, because there could be some jarring changes in Foxboro to come.
2. In 2013, if Cleveland Browns quarterback Jason Campbell was caught letting some air out of footballs, or Rod Marinelli — who coached the 2008 Detriot Lions to a winless season — was bagged filming the other teams’ signals, you wouldn’t be able to find these two stories on Super Google. Brad Crawford of 247 Sports Reports: Spygate 2.0 trending in New England's favor. Apparently an investigative team assigned by Roger “Bozo” Goodell are stomping their feet in the dirt while threatening to take their ball and go home. Find out the details as to why these clowns have their pouty faces on by clicking on the link.
3. In his second game with the Patriots, Mohamed Sanu plucked the Baltimore Ravens' feathers by snatching 10 catches for 81 yards and a TD against their defense. Since then, it has been a struggle, so Kevin Patra of NFL.com tries to get to the bottom of why Mohamed Sanu is still adjusting to life in Patriots offense. In an earlier piece by Greg Bedard, he details what is needed If the Patriots go on to win the Super Bowl again... and has an actual solution for how the Patriots could use Sanu to make him a lethal factor.
4. In my Salty Tears Take of the day, the New York Daily News' very own Manish Mehta with his "Meh" articles made the worst prediction since Noah's cousin Bob forecasted sun and refused to board the Ark. (What?! You never know!) Manish "Meh" decided to write in an actual, non-fiction, real-life newspaper that, Sam Donald is out to ruin Bill Belichick's and the Patriots' perfect season. Final score: Patriots 33, Jets -7. (Well you should get negative points for a performance this rank.) To get the full effect of the embarrassment Mr. Meh endured, read the first article, then immediately read his next piece Jets QB Sam Donald commits 5 turnovers, records 3.6 passer rating in disastrous shutout loss to the Patriots. The pile of crow Mr. Meh had to eat could have fed every animal on Noah's Ark from 1969 to now, which just so happens to be the last time the Jets won the Super Bowl.
5. , , , , and pieced together, NFL Panic Index 2019: Oh great, the Patriots look like the Patriots again, right before the playoffs. It's a sharp article explaining how the Six-time Super Bowl champs are checking all the vital boxes and this group of reporters are warning the Anti-Patriot Guild that the Tombstone Patriots are coming, and they're bringing hell with them!
6. When you ask most Patriots fans what they think of the Pro Bowl, you're likely to get the what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about eye. Matt Dolloff of 98.5 The Sports Hub tries to explain this weird myth that likely doesn't exist, in his piece, Eight Pro Bowls are nice, but Matthew Slater and the Patriots' leaders keep the bigger goal in perspective. Patriots players don't do, or care about this "Pro Bowl" malarkey. They do Super Bowl Championships. However, if that Pro Bowl thing comes in paper form, I'm sure Tom Brady has a roll of it right by the side of his toilet.
7. No, I do not expect Bill Belichick to throw an M. Night Shyamalan twist at us and retire after the season, regardless of if the Patriots win it all. But with rumblings of Nick Caserio’s likely departure, would the Hoodie consider a replacement for Caserio’s duties? Albert Breer of Sports Illustrated gives insight on The NFL’s Future GMs: Candidates in Position to Lead Team Personnel. These up-and-comers will possibly be moving the chess pieces of draft picks and free agents over the next decade. Maybe the next behind-the-scenes important Patriots hire is in here somewhere?
Update: Most feared playoff opponent voted in the comment section of the last Quest for 7 was the Ravens. In my next piece, I'll dig deep to find an article that'll tell you if your fears are justified, or if you can relax.
STEVE'S SOAPBOX
I once called it stupidity. But after a while, that didn’t make sense. The other 44 states couldn’t possibly be this moronic, (and when Stupid Steve is questioning your intelligence, you have problems.) After reflecting on the Himalaya mountains, followed by a long, quiet walk on the beach, I pondered the meaning of life while searching for my soul, when it hit me. The Anti-Patriots Guild are not a bunch of brainless idiots. They’re jangry.
What’s jangry you ask? It’s when jealous and angry meet in a bar, get absolutely bleep-faced, and have a Patriots-Hating baby. This run by New England has spurned so much envious rage, it created a new species. Like a modern-day Neanderthal.
Careful Patriots fans. This jangry beast will approach you, aggressively, and attack you with a joke of a word: Cheaters!
What does the year 1994 and a J-phone have in common? They made any kind of “Spygate” irrelevant. In 1994, the NFL allowed helmets with radios built in. You know, so the friggin' coaches can actually use this form of communication to tell the quarterback what play to run? So if you’ve been an NFL coach at any point over the last 25 years, and you decided that hand signals are the best way to call your plays — you deserve to have them stolen, and your desk cleaned out. As far as what a J-Phone has to do with this? This was the first cell phone created in 2000 that was able to record video. The fact that the NFL front office even wasted a millisecond of time trying to stop teams from taping each other's sidelines after every fan sitting in the first row right behind a team’s bench started carrying a device that could record everything going on and do nothing about it, is so dumb it could create a second Big-Bang! (Thanks NFL, now you’re putting us all in danger and made me write a run-on sentence!)
So then there's, “What about Deflate-gate where equipment was tampered with!” cries the jangry beast. You mean when Jerry Rice admitted on national television to using stickum? Oh wait, you meant when Aaron Rodgers confessed to over-inflating footballs because he preferred them that way? What? Oh, you’re talking about when the 70’s Steelers’ players took so much steroids, that most of the poor fellas are now permanently sick or dead? The point of all this is most players do little things to gain an edge. But here’s the key that proves the jangry beast exists.
Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Benjamin Franklin could sit down with one of these creatures, and try to convince them that they are wrong. After a long pause and a blank stare, the jangry beast would shout, "Cheaters!" So Patriots fans, stop trying to educate your friends or co-workers who live amongst these creatures. They not stupid. They’re full of blinding, envious, rage.
So when one of these mouth-breathing losers goes to opens his suck, cut him off and ask, “You Jangry?” And when he tries to respond with one of the seven words in his limited vocabulary, cut him off and say, “Beat it! And stop wasting my air.”
There is nothing you can say to save these creatures. Just enjoy the heartache your team inflicts on them.
By the way, here's a bonus link. This site details every team who has cheated. Turns out the Denver Broncos are the biggest culprits. Your-Team-Cheats.com
Be on the lookout for more The Quest for 7 features, leading into what is hopefully another epic Patriots' Super Bowl run.
Patriots
The Quest for 7: A money offseason awaits and more Patriots news, links, updates 12.27.19
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