Picks 'n Pops: Porzingis returns, Haliburton Shines, and Snail Week

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because the oddly quiet NBA week is leaving me wayyyy too much time with personal thoughts and it’s not pretty.

- Kristaps Porzingis returns tonight. My guess is, so does Boston’s offensive fluidity. 

- I find the tone of the discussion in Celtics circles humorous. You’d swear the team was .500 at best.

I get that some of the problems are familiar, but are we so mired in the “championship or bust” mentality that we’re not going to enjoy a team winning 75% of its games? Look around Boston. Which team would you rather be right now? 

Lighten up a little. 

If you’re going to say “but I know how this is going to go,” I’d say maybe you don’t. Each season is different. And if it does go that way, then be mad then. Otherwise you’re mad at ghosts. 

- Shout out to Mike Pueschel on Twitter for finding the correct Autobot for my “Derrick White is a Transformer” analogy. 

- Happy Birthday Larry Bird. I once drove across the country and went hours out of my way to stop in French Lick. 

When was I ever going to get that chance again?

- Shout out to Aaron Nesmith for becoming the player Danny Ainge was looking for. Sometimes guys need time and reps to figure things out, and he was getting neither in Boston. 

This is the tough part of the “adding complementary pieces through the draft” strategy. Guys don’t just come in ready, and the G League can only do so much. 

Nesmith is a good player. When all is said and done, considering Malcolm Brogdon’s playoff injury and subsequent departure, that trade can be considered a win from the Pacers’ perspective. 

- If you don’t believe me about Joe Mazzulla, maybe you’ll believe Mike Gorman, who said on a recent “Green With Envy” podcast that he thinks Mazzulla could be the coach for 20 years. I think this line says a lot: 

“He understands that he’s going to win some, he’s going to lose some, but he’s going to be in them,” Gorman said. “They don’t get blown out very much.”

There are plenty of teams with talent out there that look horrible. Yes, Boston has some things to figure out, but they're not getting crushed by anyone and looking bad from the beginning. It’s one of those things that someone with as many years around basketball as Gorman has realizes is important. The bad coaches get blown out. The good ones tend to be in most of their games and give themselves a chance to win. 

- Charles Barkley guarantees Boston will win a championship. So, sorry to all of you. Pick up your chairs from Boylston street. We’ll just have to get ‘em next season. 

- No one loves the In-Season Tournament more than Tyrese Haliburton. He did to Milwaukee what he did to Boston, and he’s enjoying the hell out of it. 

This is Haliburton’s star turn. He’s making the most out of rare national TV opportunities. He’s talking about the IST like it’s a legitimate championship, and he wants it. 

Mock the tourney if you want, but how can you be mad at what it’s inspiring Haliburton and the Pacers to do? 

- Live TV interview of the week: Luka Doncic dropping an F-bomb, realizing it, and then dropping an S-bomb in reaction to it. 

Here’s the uncensored version:

Just amazing. It couldn't have been scripted any better. 

- The Sprite holiday commercial makes me want frosting more than soda

- LeBron James and Ime Udoka went back and forth with one another, earning each a tech (and Udoka his second, so he was tossed). Just watch the reactions in the background to what was being said. 

The two women are mortified. I need a transcript of this conversation. 

This is the closest I can find. Jomboy always does a good job.

- Researchers have made a breakthrough in understanding the language of Sperm Whales. 

This is great … until we discover Sperm Whales are jerks who are racist against dolphins or something. 

- Sharks kill 10 people per year, but freshwater snails somehow kill 10,000? When is snail week on Discovery channel?

... See? This is what happens when there aren’t many games on. 

- The Dallas Mavericks made a 30-0 run against the OKC Thunder during which three timeouts were called. Amazingly, none of them stopped the run. 

- A new feature: I ask AI to make a ridiculous image. In honor of tonight’s game (which I know is at home), I asked Bing’s AI image generator to make “A leprechaun monster stomping through New York City, Godzilla-style.”

1: 

Not bad. Clearly he does a lot of ab work. I’m kind of freaked out by the seven toes and curious if he lost a finger on his left hand or has an extra one on his right. 

2: 

Great vest/hat combo. He seems to have lost a fingernail somewhere, and he also seems to have fertile skin good for growing vegetation. But pretty good. 

3: 

More cartoony. But I love that he’s fully clothed and more like an Incredible Hulk-style leprechaun. Impeccable teeth, too. He must floss after marauding. I love the taxi/bus thing they created. 

4: 

Whoa. This thing is mean, but not so mean that it can’t wear an oversized, novelty-style hat. Also, New York drivers are so bad that one person is clearly electing to speed into stopped traffic at a high rate of speed. Go the other way, dude. 

- Here’s your current NBA Belt Champion: The Indiana Pacers!

How freakin’ cool would it be if the winners of the In-Season Tournament got the trophy and then Adam Silver pulled out a championship belt and handed that over too? 

Someday. 

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored.