Picks 'n Pops: Kornet clones, a meaningful dunk, and big hands

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because I've been selected as the backup halftime performer at the Super Bowl and that's not being received well either.

- The jump ball going in the wrong direction in the first Celtics preseason game feels like it’s trying to tell us something. I’ll just put that in my “possible metaphors” folder and move on. 

- Jaylen Brown and Chris Boucher both mixed it up against Memphis. They said they want to be more physical. Part of that might mean a few dust-ups. It’ll be interesting to see how this progresses. Are they going back to the Isaiah Thomas years, when everyone has a massive chip on their shoulder? 

- Watching Luka Garza and Xavier Tillman make quick decisions with the ball and get in and out of screens with good timing was reminiscent of Luke Kornet. 

Kornet is doing well in the early going in San Antonio, but being part of the Boston system was the launch pad for him to do so. If Garza and Tillman can do the same, isn’t it possible that Boston’s offensive system could be seen as the place where unused bigs go to build up their value? Could this become some kind of assembly line where a new big comes in every few years on a cheap contract, does all these little things well, and then goes and gets paid somewhere else? 

Sign me up for that. I’ll take the ultimate second apron hack of cheap big talent that accentuates Boston’s wings until the wheels fall off. 

- Speaking of wheel, Tatum showed his is doing fine with a little dunk.

Everyone is going to react to everything Tatum does, but dunking gets the people going. If Tatum had just jumped to touch a point on the wall, people would have just said “oh great, he’s jumping.” But because he jumped with a basketball in his hands and put it through the rim, the internet is losing its mind. 

Good for him, though. He keeps making progress. 

- Shams Charania reports Tatum is pushing to make a comeback this season. His sources are his eyes and everything we’ve been seeing all summer long. 

He also suggested that Boston having a bad record whenever he’s ready might hinder his chances, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Wouldn’t Boston having a bad record be a better time to bring him back? There would be no pressure on him at all, and he could treat his return like a rehab assignment (which is essentially what it is). 

Tatum’s return will be all about knocking off rust and learning his body all over again. The number one reason for him to come back is to slowly figure out if he is the same player as before, or if he needs to spend his summer working on adjustments to his new limitations. A month or two of testing it out and learning what he does and doesn’t have anymore would be a huge benefit. 

- This video is a good explainer of where Tatum is, and I’m not just saying that because it falls in line with basically everything I’ve been saying all along … but that helps.

- Why isn’t a G League rehab assignment an option for Tatum? Why can’t he go play for Maine once he is ready, just to test it against live defenses?

- I was very thrown off by the Jaylen Brown's single-sleeve and Sam Hauser's t-shirt under the jersey looks. 

- The NBA’s GM Survey has Boston as the eighth seed. I get that teams like Orlando and Detroit are ascending, but I don’t trust Atlanta, Milwaukee, and Philadelphia to ALL have better seasons than Boston. 

- Nothing tells me GMs don’t actually fill out this survey quite like Luka Dončić being named best small forward when he’s been a point guard his whole career. How do 40% of front offices think Doncic qualifies as a small forward? 

- I think Erik Spoelstra is a great coach, but him getting top coach the year after Mark Daigneault’s Thunder won their title a little earlier than expected doesn’t make any sense. They have Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, so that helps, but Daigneault has had that team overachieving for a while now. 

Congrats to Spo on getting the Team USA gig, though. 

- Hugo Gonzalez having the second biggest hands in combine history behind Tacko Fall is not a stat I expected to hear this season. 

I think he’s going to have fun career, though. 

- It seems like Giannis Antetokounmpo is trending towards a trade. That might be a problem as teams hoard assets to prepare for either a direct Giannis trade or to be part of the multi-team deal. 

Then again, Anfernee Simons’ contract could go a long way in facilitating a deal. The Celtics might be able to get involved and get a big man out of the deal. 

- Things are not going to go well in Atlanta, Trae Young is going to request a trade, and the league will collectively say “that’s nice but we’re in a committed relationship with the Giannis situation.” 

- Father time might be winning a few rounds in his fight with LeBron James. There's no more old man injury than sciatica, which is why LeBron is expected to miss the start of the season. 

Or maybe it’s karmic retribution for his stupid “The Second Decision” stunt to announce his partnership with Hennessy. People anxiously wrote about the big announcement he teased this week as if it wasn’t obvious he was announcing some sponsorship. People actually thought this was how he was going to announce his farewell tour. 

How did this conversation even go?

Hennessy rep: “Hey, remember that thing you did that EVERYBODY hated? We’re going to do it again, but this time to trick people into thinking you're retiring so we can sell them booze.” 
LeBron, checking his bank account to see if he was still a billionaire: “Sure. I see nothing wrong with sucking people in emotionally one more time only to crush them in the most self-serving way possible.” 

- Al Horford is fitting right in with the Warriors, which is no surprise. He’s perfect for them. 

So let’s recap: 

• Awesome in Atlanta

• Awesome in Boston

• Terrible in Philadelphia

• So good in OKC they sat him because he ruined their tanking

• Great in Boston

• Looking great right away in Golden State

Why was there one team that just couldn't make it work? What was it about that team that made adding the universally-loved and always impactful Horford such a problem? 

I’m not sure about the answer there. While I’m thinking about it, a totally unrelated thought just popped into my head. 

If you leave the house and you run into an a-hole on your way to work, you ran into an a-hole. If you leave the house an you encounter nothing but a-holes all day, you’re the a-hole.

- The nickname “French Vanilla” for Victor Wembanyama and Luke Kornet is just perfect.

- Ratings seem to be going well for the WNBA 

There are some caveats, including a new way ratings are being measured that leads to a wider gap between past measurements. But the upswing is real. 

- Congrats to Zdeno Chara on getting his number retired. If he wants, he can stick around afterwards and get some reps in at power forward for the Celtics. I bet he sets some great screens.

- RIP Mike Greenwell. 

- I have watched Vladimir Guerrero Jr.’s grand slam more times than I care to count

There's no DNA test required when you see that swing. That's pure, unfiltered, Vlad Guerrero. His moment with David Ortiz was pure joy. 

- I’ve also watched this Drake Maye throw a million times. 

Running out to his right with his receiver at the numbers and he hits him perfectly at the sideline? His brain basically did advanced physics calculations in half a second to get that ball to do that. 

I’m not pandering to the audience when I say that after having that big performance in Buffalo on national TV to announce himself to the world, no one else around here could possibly be having the Best Week Ever.

- There won’t be any more AI-generated images. It takes so many tries to get these things right and it’s getting more and more time-consuming each week. Plus I’m pretty sure AI is starting to suck all the water off the planet so I’m going to stop using it for frivolous things. 

In lieu of an AI image, please enjoy this f-bomb-filled attempt by Jaylen Brown at a Boston accent. 

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored.