Jarren Duran, who has been outspoken about his struggles with mental health in the past, revealed in the new Netflix documentary, “The Clubhouse: A Year with the Red Sox,” that he attempted suicide during a low point early on in his career.
In the fourth episode, entitled “Still Alive,” Duran shares this revelation with documentary executive producer/director Greg Whiteley.
“I got to the point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet, and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened,” Duran said. “To this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off. But I took it as a sign of, like, ‘Alright, I might have to be here for a reason.’ So that’s when I started looking myself in the mirror, after the gun didn’t go off. I was like, ‘Alright, do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?’
“I looked myself in the mirror, and I was like, ‘That happened for a reason. Obviously, you’re (expletive) here for a reason. So let’s (expletive) be the way you want to be; let’s play the way you want to play. Let’s live the way I want to live.”
Whiteley asked Duran to clarify what he meant by “not wanting to be here anymore.”
Duran: It was a pretty low time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.
Whiteley: When you say ’here,’ do you mean here with the Red Sox or here on planet Earth?
Duran: Probably both. Yeah. Probably both. That was like a really tough time for me.
Duran said that he went public about his 2022 suicide attempt to "reach those who feel alone."
"Talking about this wasn't easy, but it felt important," Duran said in a statement released through the team after the episode aired Tuesday. "I knew that if I was going to share this, I had to be real about it.
"A few years ago, I found myself in a dark place, but I'm still here, and I'm so lucky I am. And if my story can help even one person, then it was worth telling."
TOUGH ROAD EARLY ON
It hasn’t been an easy road for Duran since he was first called up in 2021, struggling on the field, particularly on defense, and finding himself shuffling between Triple-A and Boston. Duran enjoyed a breakout campaign last season where he was an All-Star selection and the game’s MVP.
Duran struggled as a rookie in 2022, hitting just .221 with a .645 OPS and making a series of errors, including losing a fly ball in the lights against the Blue Jays, which led to an inside-the-park grand slam.
“I would think every day, like, ‘I can’t (expletive) do this.’ I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every (expletive) day,” Duran said. “I was already hearing it from fans. What they say to me — it’s like, I haven’t told myself 10 times worse than that in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me.”
The 28-year-old’s adjustment to the big leagues had a massive negative impact on him, stating that the fans and media wore on him and felt the players were being treated as “zoo animals.”
While the fans and media were tough critics, Duran was even harder on himself.
"I couldn't deal with telling myself how much I sucked every day," Duran said. "I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me, [it's not like] I haven't told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn't even want to be here anymore."
'HE'S SAVING LIVES'
Alex Cora said Monday that Duran's decision to tell his story will save lives. Team president Sam Kennedy called it "an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball."
Cora applauded Duran’s decision to tell his story and the detail he did on the Netflix series.
“Now, he’s standing in that clubhouse talking about real stuff,” Cora said. “It’s just the growth for the player, for the person, and the relationships. We’re very proud of him. We’re saving lives now. That’s what he’s doing. He’s saving lives.
“For a guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve, I think we should applaud him. Obviously, it’s not going to be a packed house tonight with the weather. But he should get a standing ovation right away, not for what he went through but what he’s doing with it. He should be nominated already for the Roberto Clemente Award. Right now. He should win it, to be honest with you. Just because of what he said and what he’s doing. He’s saving lives, and we’re very proud of him.”
A large group of Duran’s teammates, coaches, and members of the front office showed support for him on Tuesday as he met with the media in the Red Sox clubhouse. Many of them hugged or shook Duran’s hand after he finished speaking.
Cora wants to keep his conversations with Duran private and reiterated that the Red Sox embody a family environment for their players and organization as a whole.
“It impacts a lot of people,” Cora said. “We prepared everybody ... We stick like a family. Regardless of if we finish last or we win the World Series, we are a family. I know people hate that and it’s a cliché, but it’s not. Not here.”
Cora added that nothing else in the series will resonate like Duran’s story.
“That was part of it last year. We opened our doors. People are going to see it. I’ve been getting texts from a lot of people, especially family. I’m like, ‘No feedback.’ I want to see it in November,” Cora said. “They understand. I think the group did an amazing job opening the doors. The feedback has been OK, I guess. People see what really goes on every day in this job. Hopefully, they like it.
“In this case, out of the whole thing, the most important thing is what happened today with the kid. He’s saving lives.”
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ATHLETES DEALING WITH MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLES
Duran isn’t the only professional baseball player who’s dealt with mental health issues publicly.
Former big leaguer Drew Robinson attempted to commit suicide in 2020. He shot himself in the temple, survived, and is now able to tell his story.
Robinson, who is now a mental health advocate for the Giants, is available for players and provides the appropriate resources to help.
“There’s just been this neglect of mental health most of our lives, that [taking care of it] is something to do, to talk about, to take care of, to talk about,” said Robinson.
Duran’s former teammate Chris Martin went on the injured list last season due to issues related to anxiety.
“You can push things aside, but then it can snowball on you,” Martin said last season. “That’s when I went to the team and said there was something we had to talk about.”
The Red Sox connected Martin with Dr. Richard Ginsburg, who directs the team’s behavioral health program.
“I was dealing with anxiety for a long time,” Martin said. “Then it all comes to a head, and you finally kind of give in and start getting help and talk to a professional and start feeling better.”
Last season the Royals wore “Together as One” tee shirts as part of Mental Health Awareness Month to raise awareness around mental challenges for children and adults.
Major League Baseball offers a Mental Health and Wellness Program. It’s a program that operates independently from Major League Baseball and the individual clubs, ensuring confidentiality and accessibility for players.
“As mental health awareness grows in locker rooms and clubhouses across the sports world, the Players Association is committed to providing its members with the confidential help and support they need,” said Tony Clark, executive director of the MLBPA. “The program marks a significant advancement in promoting a culture of mental wellness within the baseball community.”
The program is led by Dr. Jonathan Fader, a former team psychologist for the New York Mets and director of mental conditioning for the New York Giants.
"Mental health is as much about addressing stress, family relationships, and balance as it is about treating depression and anxiety," Dr. Fader said in the league’s statement on the program. "Just like with physical health, you don't have to be sick to get better."
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WHY IT WAS IMPORTANT TO TELL HIS STORY
Duran was aware that there were hotlines that he could call to talk about his struggles. He knew he had friends and family he could talk to but felt he would rather not burden them with his problems.
“It’s just that when you’re going through it, you just don’t really want to talk about it,” Duran said at Fenway Park on Tuesday. “It’s just like you vs. you, and you just kind of shut yourself off from the world. And it’s pretty lonely. The resources were there. You just don’t wanna be a bother. Personally, that’s just what I thought. I thought I was just a bother to talk about it.”
Duran thought it was vital to share his story with Netflix because so many others are in the same situation.
“I thought, ‘Why is my life so important to talk about when other people have to go through stuff?‘” Duran said Tuesday. ”There’s people with families, kids. They’re going through stuff. When I put all that stuff in my head, it’s like, yeah, there’s no way I’m gonna bother somebody else with my problems. So that’s what was going through my head."
Duran said, “it means a lot” to know the Samaritans Statewide Hotline has received triple the calls since news of his suicide attempt Monday.
He told the media that his parents just found out about his suicide attempt, something they didn’t know when they interviewed for Netflix.
“They’ve always been really supportive of me,” Duran said. “I know I kind of kept it hidden from them just because I didn’t wanna bother them. And they always saw me as like a hardworking kid who’s doing really good and doesn’t really have anything to bother them. And I didn’t want to change that image that they had of me. So I didn’t really bother ‘em about it, but I was able to sit down and talk to them and let them know. And they’ve been nothing but supportive, of course.”
Duran said it’s not something he thought about sharing when Netflix began filming.
“But the situation just kind of happened, just unfolded,” he said. “And I was sitting there quiet. Didn’t really think that it was a good moment to talk about it. But then ... I just thought this could possibly help people out there that don’t really want to talk about it. So I just took that leap of faith and hoped that it was gonna do more good than bad.”
Duran said he still finds it hard to ask for help and talk about his mental health.
He said he “still struggles with it.”
“It’s like trying to tell an alcoholic not to drink,” he said. “I’ve never really been a very vocal person with my feelings. But I have good friends around me that know how to drag it outta me. But I’ve been a lot better.”
He added, “Every day I’ve got to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how proud I am of myself, even if I don’t feel like it. Just trying to give myself some positive reinforcement.”
DURAN WANTS TO FOCUS ON BASEBALL
Duran’s parents released a statement through the team on Tuesday, revealing they only recently learned the depths of their son’s struggles with mental health.
"It was heartbreaking to hear," Dena and Octavio Duran said. "We are beyond grateful that he is still here, that he has found the courage to keep going, and that he is using his voice to help others. If his story can help even one person, then it was worth sharing. We are incredibly proud of the man he is today and love him more than words can say. We will always be in his corner."
Duran said on Tuesday that he wants to turn his attention and focus back on the baseball season.
"Right now, my focus is on the field," Duran said in his statement. "We have a postseason to chase, and that's where my head is. I've shared what I needed to share, and I appreciate everyone's understanding that my focus right now is on baseball and helping my team win a World Series.
"I am grateful for the tremendous support I've received. If you're struggling, please know there's help. You can call a friend, a trusted person, your doctor, or an organization like Samaritans. And, if you're in immediate danger, call 988."
REACTION
Duran deserves enormous credit for sharing his battles with mental health, including the fact that he felt the world was better without him than with him.
It needs to be normalized for professional athletes to share their feelings and stories to prevent anyone from feeling the only way out is by committing suicide. Duran’s platform will help elevate his voice around the stigma of mental health and undoubtedly benefit other people.
I found watching Episode 4 pretty difficult. The experience of reading Duran's quotes and then hearing them was tough. We look at athletes as these superhuman figures when, at the end of the day, they’re just like you and I. They struggle with the same issues that others do, and Duran’s words allow him to connect with fans, and they can relate to him, which is incredibly important.
Learning more about Duran and his upbringing is why this series so important. Major League Baseball has done a poor job over the years connecting the fan to the game and their players. Episode 4 was all about Duran, it allowed me to connect with him as a human who just happens to be a baseball player.
Understanding his family dynamic and his relationship with his parents was another key takeaway from the episode.
I'm am glad Duran was able to share this story; it could have ended in tragedy. Hearing him say that he pointed a rifle barrel at his head, pulling the trigger, and then heard “click” makes my hair stand up on the back of my neck. It's easy to criticize athletes for an 0-for-4 at-bat or a pitcher giving up six runs. Duran chose to tell the world what happened.
Duran’s story is powerful.
Most importantly, he’s still here.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, you are not alone.
Samaritans Statewide Hotline: Call or Text: 1-877-870-HOPE (4673)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Press #1 if you are a Veteran.
The Trevor Helpline: Call 866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386) This support is specifically designed for youth and young adults who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.