Picks 'n Pops: The White House, apple cider, and failed NBA analysis

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because the Secret Service realized they made a mistake letting me onto White House grounds and I’m being detained at an undisclosed location for … “processing.”

- I don’t think Jaylen Brown was entirely enamored with the White House experience. He spoke to the media after the team shootaround at Georgetown and said it was “a good team experience celebrating what we went through, so it was good being there with my guys.” 

What was his big takeaway from the day?

“Just being there with the whole team, because all of us, the group that we had last year was special. So just being there with everybody all together.”

What about that history lesson Derrick White told us about?

“I love history. That's my favorite subject, so I’m always asking questions and chiming in. So that was pretty fun, getting some updates on my American history.”

Is going to the White House a political decision?

“I would probably view it as a political decision. Everything is a political decision if you ask me, but personally, what I would say is I would go to Waffle House or wherever to celebrate what we’ve done. It doesn’t really matter. It was about our group, so to celebrate with our group that we did something special was pretty cool to me.” 

My read on this is Jaylen is a great teammate and really good at deflecting from the fact that it might not have been his favorite thing in the world to do. 

- Also, I’m already putting in my credential request for next year’s Waffle House celebration. I’ll be happy to sit down with Jaylen over a plate of chicken and waffles. 

- Judging from Brown’s Men’s Health cover, he’s not eating as much chicken and waffles as I am. 

Personally, I think it’s irresponsible for Jaylen to be throwing his abs out there unprotected like that. I care enough about my body to provide a nice big cushion for my abs, this way if any sort of projectile were to hit my midsection, they’d be protected. I don’t think Jaylen has thought this all the way through like I have. 

- The NBA’s Last Two Minute report on Boston’s win over Toronto showed a few missed calls at the end of regulation and overtime, including a travel on Jayson Tatum on the game-winning play. 

“They said Jakob Poeltl had a three-second call, then they said I fouled him, then they said JB got fouled, then they said I traveled,” Tatum said. “So they missed a lot of shit. They didn’t call it, so we won.” 

The travel call was a shifting pivot foot, so while it was technically a travel, it also gave him no advantage. If they had blown the whistle on THAT travel call, everyone would have rightfully been angry. The no-call on Davion Mitchell sending Brown flying was egregious. But like I said after the game, it’s probably best that we didn’t see Jaylen vs. Jayson storylines after that game.

- One my favorite moments of the week was when a reporter asked Joe Mazzulla “why does the NBA Cup matter?” and he responded with “Who said that?” 

They will say what they need to say the NBA doesn’t get mad, but no one actually cares about this in Boston. They’ll care someday when they're rebuilding and the Cup is a goal that means something for a young team to chase (see: Pacers, Indiana). Right now, when they're chasing the actual championship, the most they can give the Cup is lip service. 

- That said, I’d love a reason to go to Las Vegas in December, so maybe care a tiny bit more. 

- Wyc Grousbeck hasn’t shed any light on the sale of the Celtics, offering up only this tidbit after yesterday’s ceremony.

“I don’t have any comments on the sale process that’s underway,” He said. “There’s a lot of interest. That’s one comment, I guess. The plan is that I will stay for three more years. That’s what’s made out and then we’ll go from there."

He has reportedly pitched a UAE sovereign wealth fund on potentially investing in the team. 

I don’t think the NBA wants to go in that direction, nor do I think any of these funds want to get into minority ownership. They don’t tend to want pieces of things. They want to buy whole things. 

The NBA also doesn’t want one team to be owned by unlimited money. If a sovereign wealth fund bought the Celtics, they would simply keep the team together and give Brad Stevens the greenest green light to spend. Taxes and aprons wouldn’t matter. The entire CBA would have to be rebuilt to address it. The NBA doesn’t want that. 

I applaud Grousbeck, though, for trying to find ways to stay on board while selling off stakes of the team. In my opinion, he wasn’t on board with the sale of the team. He loves being the face of the ownership group and he’s trying to find a way to keep that going. 

- I can confirm Derrick White’s quote that “the apple cider was unbelievable” at the White House ceremony. I don’t know what they did to it, but it’s the best apple cider I’ve ever had. 

You know, most people don't know the difference between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella', you've got juice there, fella. If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town.

- Congratulations to JD Davison on becoming the Maine Celtics all-time leading scorer. On one hand, it’s a nice accomplishment. It means he’s scored a lot of points. 

On the other, though, it means he’s been in the G League long enough to score a lot of points. It’s still nice, but it’s not exactly something I, if I were an NBA hopeful, would be aspiring to. 

-  The NBA is moving to a four-team tournament-style All-Star game. It’s something I pitched in a past podcast.

I know people are going to scream “no gimmicks! Just try harder!” but we have to move past it. It’s not happening. 

Once upon a time, the NBA All-Star game was a way to be seen. Tom Chambers won the MVP in 1987 and then in 1988 became the NBA’s first unrestricted free agent signing. That MVP was seen as raising his profile among the league and fans. 

That's not happening anymore. All the reasons for trying hard have dwindled. The game is no longer a rare national showcase. Those happen every week. It’s not a way for a small market guy to be seen. Social media has eliminated markets as a hurdle to recognition. The prize money isn’t a big deal anymore. Guys share agents and skills coaches, and the proliferation of player movement has eliminated natural rivalries and hatred for the opposition. 

I’m sorry to inform everyone that it’s 2024, and the prior rules we all loved, myself included, no longer apply. We can be sad and disappointed about that, but it’s time to pay our final respects to that era and embrace today. Nothing is bringing that era back. 

- I don’t know if anyone is paying attention to the Orlando Magic, but they're fourth in the East right now and just three games behind the Celtics. Franz Wagner is flourishing without Paolo Banchero, and if they can figure out how to get both of those guys humming at the same time, the Magic will be a problem. They're tough and physical. They will have staying power. 

I don’t know how the season will finish, but I can say that the current Cavs/Celtics/Knicks/Magic top four was not on my bingo card. 

- Khris Middleton has been cleared to play and now is just working to getting comfortable returning to the floor. I think he can be the biggest game-changer in the East if he comes back and plays well. Maybe that's a long shot considering his age and that he had two ankle surgeries, but it’s not out of the question. Adding a long-rangy wing who can defend makes things a lot different for the Bucks. 

Maybe I’m romanticizing the past a little thinking he can come back and do that. And I'm certainly not saying I expect that to happen. But if it does, then we’re looking at some changes in the East. 

- The Sixers are a mess, and Joel Embiid being furious that someone leaked details of their team-only meeting is perfectly Embiid. 

I get being upset, but also maybe he should try to be on time and a better teammate rather than rampaging through the locker room trying to find the mole. 

Chances are none of the players talked to the media. It’s much more likely they talked to their agents or someone else and one of those people leaked it. 

No matter, though. Embiid is more embarrassed that everyone knows he was called out, because everything in Philly is about Embiid first, not the Sixers. I guarantee he wouldn’t be this pissed off if it was the other way around and he called out Tyrese Maxey. He’s not mad that someone is a mole, he’s mad that the mole made him look bad. 

This is why Philly hasn’t won yet and why they never will with Embiid. He’s a great player, but he’s not a winner. 

- Inside the NBA is moving to ESPN, so now we can hear Shaquille O’Neal explain why teams should be playing like it’s 1998 and see clips of Charles Barkley asleep during the late games. 

Okay fine, here’s my heel turn: 

That this is the most popular NBA show tells me everything that's wrong with how the NBA broadcasts sell the game. NFL broadcasts are full of analysis, diagramming plays, telling us how and why things happened first, then getting goofy afterward. I can watch five minutes of a broadcast and see exactly why someone broke free for a 45-yard TD run. 

But when it comes time to explain to me how a game-winning play happened in the NBA, I have to get through a foot race to the board, a minute of fat jokes, and 30 seconds of yelling over each other, and then Kenny Smith can maybe quickly show us how a pick was set.

Is Inside The NBA entertaining? Yeah, I guess. But it lacks anything to enhance the game for fans. It doesn’t tell us anything about the games. The analysis is surface-level stuff delivered by angry, old former players who don’t really like today’s game. 

NFL shows are full of people who love the sport and analyze it in an entertaining way. NBA shows, and I’ll throw NBA Today into this mix too because Kendrick Perkins is another part of this problem, are full of hot takes and mugging for the camera. 

Personally, I’m tired of it. Basketball is a beautiful sport full of incredibly smart players making fast-paced decisions in an instant. There's so much we can marvel at in a fun, entertaining way and we don’t get that anywhere. 

… except here on BSJ and in podcasts. So I guess I should be thankful these guys suck enough that I can keep getting paid. 

- If I ever do get fired, I feel like I can pivot to politics pretty easily:

I look like I was born to misinform.

- For those who didn't catch my cider reference before:

- Your current NBA Belt Champion … the Boston Celtics: 

- This week’s Bing AI-created image: the party you didn’t see yesterday

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored: