Picks 'n Pops: Pacer Problems, hockey-fying the NBA, and real costumes

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because I already switched my clocks and, for some reason, it's Monday afternoon. 

- I really don’t think I’m overreacting to the Pacers loss by saying Boston simply has to treat those games like they’d treat a game against Denver, the Lakers, or the Warriors. It’s not that the Pacers are as good, but some teams simply have that thing that works against certain opponents. 

- I don’t bet on the NBA, but if I did, I’d bet the over on points in the paint by Celtics opponents. I’d pay off my mortgage by the All-Star break.

- That will change when Kristaps Porzingis returns, which will happen in a matter of weeks. He looks ready to go, it’s just a matter of him hitting certain physical checkpoints set by the Celtics' training staff. Unfortunately, winking and coffee drinking are not among those.  

- I’m not sure Payton Pritchard will get Sixth Man of the Year, but he’s giving himself a shot.

- I remember thinking Matt Ryan would be better than Sam Hauser because he could shoot on the move. I was either pretty wrong on that, or I’m right and no NBA team has given him the right opportunity yet. 

I’m just going to assume the latter. He did just go first in the G League draft, after all (sigh). 

- The Celtics reportedly gauged leaguewide interest in Jaden Springer and found no takers. That led to Lonnie Walker IV getting cut and joining a team in Lithuania (it was his choice to pass on a G League assignment). The lesson here is that opportunity isn’t always a player’s fault. 

There are probably a few hundred players good enough to get those last 100 slots on NBA rosters and they are often interchangeable. More often than you think, the chance to prove oneself is just a matter of luck. 

- The New York Post reports Steve Pagliuca is angling to buy the Celtics with a group of current minority owners. 

On July 1, I wrote: “While nothing has been reported or expressed to me, reading the tea leaves suggests some in the current ownership group are planning to not only retain their shares, but purchase at least a portion of the available Grousbeck shares of the team.”

It’s the only thing that makes sense to me. 

Also, I’m 100% bringing this up to offset the Matt Ryan thing. 

- Paolo Banchero’s torn oblique crushes the Magic’s hopes this season. He’ll be reevaluated in 4-6 weeks, it’s important to understand that because it’s an injury to his core, he can’t do ANYTHING for those 4-6 weeks. So that means there will be a long ramp-up for his return. I wouldn’t expect him back on the court until January. 

- I’m excited for the possibility of Blake Griffin doing TV. I’m dying for someone who understands and likes today’s game to give me some analysis of games. He’s also a quick wit, so don’t pair him up with Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq is the most sensitive superstar in NBA history. Griffin would pick him apart. 

- Jaylen Brown went on Hot Ones and said he believes that hot hand needs to be fed in games. If he’s gonna say that, he can’t go 1-11 from 3 while Derrick White gets nine shots overall and misses just one.

- Joe Mazzulla wants to hockey-fy the NBA and I’m all for it. On a recent radio appearance, he not only advocated for the return of fighting, because of course he did, he also said he’s on board with a power play. 

I’m in. Instead of penalty free throws, give the other team a five-second power play. This gives them an advantage without stopping the game. 

And while we’re at it, let’s introduce line changes. I want to see subs on the fly. After a made basket, players in the backcourt can step off while a teammate steps on. Why wait for stoppages? Let’s get this thing moving!

This might be the best way to get Mike Felger to actually watch Celtics games.

- I don’t think LaMelo Ball is advocating for fighting anytime soon.

What was that slap? THAT'S your reaction to a creepy murder clown? Do you WANT to be the first person killed in the movie?

- I think Jordan Walsh is going to stick around. I think there's a real basketball player in there. Getting production out of Walsh, a 38th overall pick, and Hauser, who was undrafted, is pretty good return from Boston’s draft positioning over the last few years. 

- Dwyane Wade deserves that awful statue for what he did to Rajon Rondo’s elbow. Seriously, I think Antoine Walker snuck into the sculptor’s studio and swapped out the reference photo. 

- I think it’d be super cool if Jayson Tatum was able to bring a WNBA team to St. Louis. 

- Would anyone be shocked if a shirtless Joe Mazzulla walked out of the back at halftime and wrestled a bear for 10 minutes? If I told you he just did that for fun on off days, would you be shocked?

- The Milwaukee Bucks can’t guard anyone. A lot of talk is about the Adrian Griffen mess and how the Damian Lillard trade cost them Jrue Holiday, but missing Khris Middleton has been crippling. The takeaway should be that Middleton was almost as vital to their success as Giannis Antetokounmpo has been. 

- Victor Wembanyama had a rare five-by-five night: 25 points, nine rebounds, seven assists, five steals, five blocks. But I’m more impressed with him being +43 in an 18 point win. There have been 23 five-by-five games in NBA history. I think Wembanyama alone might double that before he's done.

Side note: the Spurs are bad. Wemby might be too good for them to get Cooper Flagg, which will be fine with me because the Spurs with Wembanyama and Flagg would break the league. 

- Candy corn was forged by Lucifer, hardened by Medusa’s stare, and then eaten by each of Cerberus’ three heads and excreted in three colors. 

You might think that's dramatic but I just copied and pasted that from the ingredients. And since no new candy corn has been produced since the fifth century BC, you can’t prove otherwise. 

- I’d still rather eat all the candy corn in the world than watch the Yankees celebrate a World Series win, so thank you, Dodgers. 

- Sigh … and congrats to Mookie Betts, the guy who should have been a Boston lifer and mythological hero. That's a move we should never get over. 

- Why is it that people completely forget how to play a simple game of tic tac toe because layups and running are involved?

- Speaking of things humans aren’t supposed to do…

I feel like Obi Toppin could start a gutter-cleaning company and save on overhead by not buying any ladders. 

- And speaking of people being brain dead...

Why are guys in such a rush to drop the ball? I wish the Jets lost that game just to teach him a huge lesson. 

To be fair, I wish the Jets lose every game. 

- I get that people want to see celebrities dressed up for Halloween, but what fun is watching someone with unlimited money spend a ton of money on professional costume designers? 

I want to see Matt Damon walk into a Spirit Halloween with a $50 budget and have to do his own makeup. 

Are you Beetlejuice or a guy with food poisoning? I don’t know Matt, your makeup is blotchy and the ill-fitting “one size fits all” costume just makes you look like Nick Nolte’s mug shot. 

That would be entertainment. 

- Rest in peace, Teri Garr. She is one of the all-time great comedic actors. 

- This week’s Bing AI-generated image: Candy corn in its original packaging

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored: