Picks 'n Pops: Chasing MVPs, a retirement, and Nomah's bettah

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because a bad offensive line means something a lot different in my business, and I don't want that either.

- Kristaps Porzingis is done working out and rehabbing in Latvia and heading to Boston, which means we’ll probably get a first-hand update at Tuesday’s media day. 

- This is the final week with no actual Celtics news. I’ve done so many mental gymnastics to get content out over the past month that I was just awarded Jordan Chiles’ bronze medal. 

- A certain former Celtics center called Jayson Tatum selfish for wanting an MVP but then praised Anthony Edwards for knowing he needs MVPs to be the face of the league. How can it be both?

- The rush to crown Edwards as the face of the league has been a bit overdone. He’s everyone’s darling now, but when Minnesota still hasn't gotten to the NBA Finals in a few years, they will all turn on him. No one ever learns the lesson. 

- I fully acknowledge that these will look different in person and with a number, but I still think this new city edition jersey is an abomination. 

I’m hoping beyond hope that this really isn’t neon highlighter green. I reserve my right to soften my stance, but right now these look like the worst city edition jerseys I’ve ever seen. 

- I really do miss the days of home whites and green roadies. 

- The Sixers are about to do what I wish the Celtics could do. They have a deal with the city that would take them out of the arena they rent and share with the hockey team, and put them in their old building. The deal is problematic and will face opposition, but they are at least working towards a solution that gives the team its own home. 

I don’t know how that deal happens in Boston.

- The Sixers are also giving Joel Embiid another $193 million. He could be a Sixer for life … that is until he gets sick of losing there and starts chasing a ring in his final couple of seasons. 

- Boban Marjanovic’s NBA run appears to be over. If it is, just know he went out a hero … intentionally missing two free throws to give Clippers fans free chicken. 

Let’s relive his career with a highlight video of his other greatest accomplishment … playing a hitman who gets killed by John Wick. 

- Happy trails to Adrian Wojnarowski, who is retiring from breaking every bit of NBA news for ESPN to take the GM job for the St. Bonaventure Men’s Basketball program. Now that NIL money is huge, schools need general managers, and no one has more connections than Woj. He can probably funnel some decent money into the program. 

- This means there's no truth to the rumor that he quit because he was tired of people mispronouncing his name every day.

- Jayson Tatum has added a tattoo of himself holding the Larry O’Brien trophy to his back. 

I think it’s a great idea to commemorate accomplishments in permanent ink on one’s body. Any time a writer wins a writing award, I want to see them get the whole thing tattooed onto themselves. Bob Ryan would be out here looking like Post Malone. 

- Yes, it’s time to expand the NBA. New Orleans and Memphis should move to the East.

- Connecticut Sun/Indiana Fever in the first round will be fun. Caitlin Clark is a legend in the making. The Washington Mystics moved their season finale against Indiana from the Entertainment & Sports Arena at St. Elizabeth’s to the Wizards home at CapitalOne Arena and set a WNBA attendance record. They packed 20,711 into the place. The Wizards averaged 16,899 this past season. The Mystics averaged 6,541. 

- Shohei Ohtani isn’t real. I just can’t fathom a guy hitting 50 homers, stealing 50 bases, and having a career ERA of 3.01. 

- Yeah, Ohtani had a big night last night, but I prefer Nomar Garciaparra’s three-dinger, two grand slam, 10-RBI game, myself. 

Around here, Nomah is, and forever will be, bettah. 

- I wonder how Jacoby Brissett feels when people see Drake Maye scrambling and taking a Rock Bottom, and react by saying the Patriots shouldn’t risk putting him out there behind that offensive line. ‘Thanks, everyone. Yeah, no, I’ll go get my brains beat in so the Golden Boy doesn’t get scratched up.’ 

- Maybe the Patriots should employ the Nelson Muntz method of QB protection: 

- I really need to apologize for putting Bob Ryan and Post Malone in the same sentence. Please forgive me, Mr. Ryan.

- The Bear is not a comedy. Stop putting it in that awards category.

- Today’s Bing AI-generated image: Celtics about to get a head start on the rest of the league at training camp

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored.