Parade Picks 'n Pops: Incredulous Jayson Tatum, beer tossing, and a player's view

(Almost) Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because I just spent two hours in the hot sun with a million Celtics fans and this is my excuse to sit in air conditioning for a while

- Championship parades are always fun, and this one was a lot of fun, but it could have been better. There were no post-parade speeches. The pre-parade portion of things was a little slow and guys were basically in generic media answer mode. And everyone kept their shirts on during the festivities. 

There was no Gronk slamming beers. There were no drunken promises of more championships. Guys just rolled by on duck boats, people yelled and took pictures, and that was it. 

Like I said, it’s fun to yell and scream and watch Jayson Tatum hold up the trophy. Beyond that, pretty business-like. I guess that's appropriate for these Celtics.

Honestly, was this not the most robotically awesome team we’ve seen? There are no big personalities. No one on the team did transcendent stuff throughout the playoffs. It was all business, no drama, steady march to a title with minor hiccups along the way. 

- Don’t tell the players what I just said because from their perspective this is the greatest day in the world. 

Tatum seems genuinely taken aback by everything. I really believe that he can’t believe it. He’s in paradise. 

- Don’t tell that to Mike Gorman either 

On the last night of the regular season, he said “go win this thing,” and they did. I might be happiest that Gorman got one more ride. 

- Kristaps Porzingis was wearing a championship belt to the festivities. That was cool.

- Jaylen Brown rocking a “state your source” T-Shirt is all kinds of petty. 

Stephen A. Smith went on TV earlier this year and said an NBA source texted him to tell him Brown is “just not liked because of his I-am-better-than-you attitude.” Brown retweeted the clip and said “state your source.” Now he’s riding on a duck boat with the Finals MVP trophy, so he gets to throw that back in Stephen A.’s face. 

- While I’m here, why does First Take insist on throwing Udonis Haslem on after publicly saying he hates the Celtics along with Smith, a hardcore Knicks fan who hates the Celtics? They're not even trying to hide it. 

- Shout out to the guy out of central casting I saw on the green line on my way to the arena. He was wearing a Dropkick Murphys shirt, drinking a Dunkin iced coffee, and holding a pack of cigarettes. I don’t know if he was on his way to the parade or to shoot an SNL sketch. 

- There's also this guy

- Joe Mazzulla is an absolute madman

Mind you, he tore his meniscus back in April 

"After we lost to Atlanta, I went on the mats and punished myself and pounded my body until I couldn't take anymore, and ended up tearing up my knee," he told the Pardon My Take podcast. "It was a great experience for me, I had to do six hours of treatment to coach the next game without too much of a limp. I couldn't walk … It put me in this fight or flight mentality because I couldn't relax. I had to constantly train, get physical therapy, and it was just awesome. I was thinking about maybe getting hurt every All-Star break."

- The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

- One of my favorite memes to come out of this title is people noting who has more rings and Finals minutes than Joel Embiid. 

- Storrow Drive was apparently not the only low bridge in Boston today 

- Oops, no, nevermind. Sam Hauser took his shirt off. 

- Congrats to whoever got the free basketball 

- I would have put my money on Porzingis to be the most obvious drunk guy at the parade, but I think it was Derrick White. Maybe it was just residual anesthesia from the dental surgery.

- I’m not sure why Al Horford was rocking the cowboy hat, but I’m just going to pretend it was a trophy after beating a team from Dallas. 

- This is Payton Pritchard’s view of things: 

Honestly I can’t imagine this feeling. No one can. This is the moment where it all sinks in and players realize “oh my God we are champions.” What a feeling it must be. 

- Here's this week's Bing AI-generated image. Pretty self-explanatory

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored