Picks 'n Pops: The boys are back, stretchy Wemby, & Aliens

Every week I gather some thoughts about the Celtics, the NBA, and beyond and dump them here. Because I tried to rest but Adam Silver threatened to fine Greg Bedard over it. 

- I think Brian Windhorst is right about this. The NBA’s new rest policy coming as the league negotiates new TV deals is no coincidence. I took it too much at face value yesterday. 

This totally smacks of TV outlets complaining and the commissioner appeasing them. It’s my own fault for not listening to rule #1: Always assume first that it’s about money. 

- It’s great to see Al Horford leading the charge of guys who are back in town preparing for the season. I can’t help but feel this is his last best chance at a ring. 

I also feel like I might have written that last sentence three times now. 

- Can’t wait for the Celtics to win the NBA Finals on June 12 next year and be relegated to page 3 behind two full pages of Tom Brady coverage. 

- This week’s ridiculously vague headline winner goes to: “NBA champion who had short stint with Celtics returning to Cavs.”

To be fair, you have to trick me at a Penn & Teller level to get me to read about Tristan Thompson. So maybe I’ll let it slide this time.

- There's no truth to the rumor that Chaim Bloom was fired because he threatened to reveal the secret chamber John Henry’s been hiding in for the past three seasons. 

- I don’t know exactly what Bruce Arena did, but I’d love it if the coaches around here just behaved themselves. It can’t be that hard. 

- The most confusing moment of my week was reading the headline "Minnesota Timberwolves sign Krejci." I thought to myself "hey, way to chase your dreams, David." Turns out it was another guy. That's what I get for being on the internet before having my coffee. 

- I'm really struggling to comprehend what is going with Victor Wembanyama here:

Hey, if the NBA doesn’t work out for Wemby, he can go to America’s Got Talent as a contortionist. Or as Dhalsim in the next live action Street Fighter movie. 

- Bart Simpson had more luck at quarterback than Daniel Jones. 

- The NBA is better with Boban, only because I want him in promos and commercials. 

- A new study suggests people are undoing the benefits of healthy eating by having unhealthy snacks. It was conducted at the University of No S--t, Sherlock. 

- Hurricane Lee makes me think of Lee Smith. His Red Sox days weren’t his best, but man he was one scary closer. 

- The post-World Cup failure spin is in full effect.

“We would have done better, but this group of slobs was the best we could do. I mean, Walker Kessler?? What do you want from us?”

And now LeBron James wants to swoop in and take credit for assembling the team of guys who was asked but refused to participate this time around? Like Team USA didn’t actually want you and Kevin Durant and Jayson Tatum instead of Bobby Portis, Jalen Brunson, and Josh Hart? 

- There's so little going on in Celtics land that I briefly considered trying to tie basketball to Shakira’s VMA performance. Then I realized I was just trying to find an excuse to watch Shakira’s VMA performance again. What can I say? I appreciate truthful hips.

- I’m not saying it’s rained a lot, but my family just adopted a stray harbor seal.

- How is Taj Gibson still hanging on?

- Rest In Peace Brandon Hunter.

- Giannis Antetokounmpo saying he’ll go wherever he has his best chance of winning a title is exactly what modern ringzz culture demands, isn’t it? We judge athletes by their championships, so if a team is rebuilding, a star jumping ship to go chase more titles is exactly what that attitude demands. 

Sorry, you can’t have loyalty AND “Count Tha Ringzzzzz!!!”

- Alright, Ja Morant, I think you’re pouring it on a little too thick here.

Buddy, you waved guns around on instagram. This isn’t some big comeback story. It’s a “stop doing stupid things” story. The ACTUAL PR move is to lay low and let it pass, not make this out to be some huge redemption arc. 

Oh … rule #1 … the shot of the sneakers. Let’s make the redemption arc worse by turning it into a marketing gimmick. 

I really want to like Morant, but his handling of this whole situation has been so way off base that I just don’t think he gets it at all. It just feels like it’ll take someone getting hurt or killed for him to get the message. 

- I don’t care how old I get, I still get excited for a new Mortal Kombat game. I don’t even play video games anymore. 

- Mexico’s alien mummies look like someone tempura fried an old E.T. doll and left it on the counter for three weeks. 

- Also, check those alien mummy tombs for John Henry.

- Here’s my latest podcast, if you’re bored.