MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. — Now on the losing end of four straight games to the Miami Dolphins — a team his Patriots squad used to use a welcome mat not too long ago — Bill Belichick strode to the podium at Hard Rock Stadium after Sunday's 20-7 loss.
How much would he grunt? Any death stares? How many many times would he say they needed to coach it better, play better? Would he be steaming?
The answers to those questions would be not at all, nope, one time-ish and nope.
The days of Belichick ripping his team a new one, just being downright miserable about a loss — Bill Parcells long ago nicknamed Belichick "Doom" — seem to be just about gone. Now we're left with Brightside Bill.
After his team trailed the Dolphins by at least two scores for over 37 minutes, after falling behind 17-0 at halftime to a rookie coach installing a new offense with a defense missing a top cornerback, after giving up a strip-sack score and two fourth downs — the second of which went for a 41-yard touchdown — after his new-look offense was totally punchless and needed 15 plays and nearly 9 minutes to score its first touchdown of the year in the third quarter, and after allowing Tua Tagovailoa to beat him for the FOURTH STRAIGHT TIME, Belichick had this to say after the game:
"Well, it's obviously a disappointing start here," Belichick said. "It was really a pretty even game. Two big plays, 14 points, really skewed the game."
Really a pretty even game.
Two big plays really skewed the game.
What in the Sam hell is he talking about?
Is he technically correct? Yes. But that was one very rose-colored way to look at this game.
If this was against, say, the Bills or the Chiefs or even the Cowboys and Bucs like last year, then that would be fine. A few plays short against a talented and well-coached team, you could totally understand and would agree. Moral losses, if you will.
But the New England Patriots are getting moral losses against ... the Dolphins ... and Mike McDaniel?
No, no, no. That's not the way it works in New England. Or at least it's not the way it used to work under a coach who famously said they don't make excuses.
Except they kind of do. A lot in recent years, since they are 17-18 since Tom Brady's departure and 19-22 since Thanksgiving 2019.
There was the 2020 salary cap excuse. There were the last two Bills losses last year, when the defense reportedly did show up to those games, and Belichick wondered if they were just bad nights or if that's who they were. Evidently the answer was no, because Belichick and his coaches constantly talk about how statistically they were a good defense last year (ignoring how they did that vs. bad or injured offenses). Belichick even did it twice in an interview with Dan Shaughnessy just this week:
"We were pretty high up there statistically last year. We didn’t play well obviously in the Buffalo game and a couple of other games, but I wouldn’t say we had a bad year defensively. At least not statistically."
I thought stats were for losers and the scoreboard was the only thing that mattered.
Apparently not, because despite never getting within two scores of the mighty Dolphins, the Patriots were only a few plays away.
It's OK to be a few plays away from a good team. The Dolphins are not yet a good team. They looked like a team being coached by a first-time head coach installing a new offensive system, and not having corner Byron Jones. At least they have a real excuse for not being a well-oiled machine in the opener.
What's the Patriots' excuse?
Belichick is blissfully whistling past the graveyard, probably because he's surrounded by all his guys now on his coaching staff. Maybe it's tougher for him to put the screws to them like he did the former coaches around here.
The Patriots returned nine of 11 starters on offense, adding Devante Parker (no one was replaced at receiver, just slotted lower) and subbing out Shaq Mason for rookie Cole Strange (who got benched in the first half).
The Patriots last year, with Mac Jones as a rookie and four new targets via free agency, averaged 20 points, 22.5 first downs, 386 total yards, 256.5 passing yards and 129.5 rushing yards against Miami (and the first game was the first-ever game for Jones and Co.).
This year: 7 points, 17 first downs, 271 yards, 213 passing yards and 78 rushing yards.
Hmmm. I wonder what's different about this season with the offense.
The defense did fine, but still can't find a way to get Tagovailoa — as average as a QB gets — off the field when it really needs to.
Oh, but I forgot. It's just a couple of plays. The results were skewed.
Belichick may be living in an alternate universe, but the rest of us are not – even his own team.
"Too many bad plays," said captain Devin McCourty. "I didn't look at the stats, but it wasn't a game where we just got completely dominated, but you can't win in this league with bad plays. We just had too many bad plays, defensively specifically.
"I'm not going to lie to you. Like I said, there's some good things on the film. I'm sure we'll see that. But you want to win, man. I think you understand how this league works. It's a result league, win or loss. There's no like, 'We did this well, good momentum.'"
Hmm, he might want to talk to his head coach.
"Yeah, there's some things we'll look at and say, I don't think this team is going to say, hey, we're destined to go 0-17. We have some good players. We had good plays today. But in this league, you've got to change that fast and get it going, play better and get a win next week. That's what it's about."
McCourty gets it. Unfortunately — and unbelievably, really — we're in a place where we're not quite sure Belichick does anymore.
