After all the balls were rocketed off and over The Wall, after the Toronto Blue Jays wore out the Fenway basepaths, after the second position player had taken the mound for the Red Sox, it was time to acknowledge that while the Jays were lighting up the scoreboard like a pinball machine, an elephant had entered the room.
It may offer you some cold comfort -- or, then again, no comfort whatsoever -- that the Red Sox are insistent that their recent mound ineptitude is no way tied to their cheating. Or, put more accurately, it is not because they had been cheating, and have now stopped.
Feel any better?
Didn't think so.
Still, the topic, predictably, came up following a dispiriting 18-4 drubbing by the Jays, a lopsided loss that saw the visitors set a Red Sox franchise record by hitting eight homers against them. This, after they had hit five the day before. This, after Red Sox starters have given up 40 runs in their last 39 innings.
No, none of this -- the Red Sox insist - is the result of Boston pitchers scrambling to clean up their act - or the brims of their hats, or their sleeves -- in response to Major League Baseball's upcoming crackdown on foreign substances.
Their defense, charmingly, can be distilled thusly: "We're just brutal on our own, thank you very much.''
The thought, however, crossed just about everybody's mind. Right about the time the Red Sox' ERA began to inflate like a balloon, MLB made it known that a crackdown was coming on foreign substances being applied to baseballs. The sticky stuff is known to improve spin rate, fastball ride and breaking ball movement, and just as MLB was about to deputize its umpires to conduct strip searches on the mound in search of illegal contraband, the Red Sox pitching staff begins to resemble the one hastily assembled in 2020.
Coincidence? As a matter of fact, say the Red Sox: That's exactly the case.
"Obviously, the talk will be out there,'' said Alex Cora. "Everybody will be looking at the scoreboard and who's pitching and if you give it up, then you were using something in your last start. But before that, a lot of pitchers were giving it up. I know the league is doing a good job with this stuff and they're going to come down with the memo. But I don't think struggling has to do with (sticky) stuff. (The Jays) are really good, too and we have made a lot of pitches right down the middle lately and they've taken advantage.''
"I'm not a cheater pitcher, man,'' said Martin Perez, whose start resembled that of an opener, though that wasn't the plan. "I've been around for a long time and I don't use that kind of stuff. I just go out there and complete with what I have that day. I don't put anything on my arm, I don't put anything on my glove. Whoever did, that's their problem. It's not we're not doing good the last few days because of the sticky things. No. It's because we're not locating the pitches where we want it.''
Pitching coach Dave Bush joined the chorus dismissing the sticky theory, and like Cora and Perez before him, suggested this alarming downturn was the result of a number of factors.
Beyond the inability to properly locate and stay out of the middle of the plate, there's a fatigue factor at work. The Red Sox are drawing to the end of a stretch that will see them play for 17 straight days. Also, the Sox last week past the 60-game threshold -- the length of the pandemic-shortened 2020 schedule -- and now every one of their starters has already thrown more innings that a year ago.
Finally, the team's depth has been depleted in the minor leagues. Whereas the Sox might have been tempted to give a spot start to Tanner Houck or Bryan Mata or Connor Seabold, all three are currently injured. Instead, the Sox sent journeyman Ryan Weber out in some human sacrifice ritual and watched as the Jays launched balls to every corner of the ballpark.
Weber earned a day's major league salary for his afternoon on the mound before he's optioned right back to Triple-A, but his outing might catch the eye of Amnesty International or other human rights monitors, since his appearance was very much cruel and unusual punishment.
For the second straight day, the Red Sox took some measure of satisfaction from the fact that their beleaguered bullpen, thanks to Weber and two plug-and-play position players, was given the afternoon off.
That way, they'll be fresh for the series finale Monday night at Fenway.
The object, however, is to not be looking for who's available in the middle innings, but rather, to get a good, long start from one of their starting pitchers. What seemed routine for much of the two months now feels like some outlandish request.
But if it makes you feel any better, nothing illegal was going on here, according to the Red Sox themselves.
In theory, that would seem a good thing.
On the other hand, it sure would explain why the rotation is currently circling the drain.